


I'd Love You To Love Me

by iamsonny_j



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 02:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsonny_j/pseuds/iamsonny_j
Summary: Set straight after Robin's win in Paris. Robin isn't as happy as he should be. Sam is there to give him the push he needs to go and tell António how he really feels about being avoided, except António has some things to say too.





	I'd Love You To Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been procrastinating over this for weeks and I told myself ‘okay, get it done before the season ends or just give it up.’ I guess my own threats do work sometimes. I haven’t written anything that wasn’t a university assignment in forever, so this is me throwing myself back into the deep end again. 
> 
> Set straight after Robin’s win in Paris. I just wanted to write my fave things; angst and getting together. Featuring Robin being a mess, António being a disaster, and Sam being the best guy that he is. Named after lyrics of ‘I Want You To Want Me’ by Cheap Trick.

Winning was amazing. The best feeling. Robin always believed in himself, but the longer it took to get the win the harder it became to retain that confidence. So yeah, winning at last was pretty fucking great. Which did nothing to explain the small bit of doubt that had settled over him resulting in him stepping away from the celebrations. His absence didn’t go unnoticed.

“You just won your first race and yet I find you out here, sulking like someone has just shit in your trophy. What’s up?” Sam said, while taking a seat next to Robin on the wall.

“Nothing. Just getting some air.”

“Uhuh. Sure…” He said, drawing out the word. “You know, I think he’s already gone by the way.”

“Who?” Sam rolled his eyes.

“António. I’m not bloody stupid and you’re not subtle. We’ve been over this several times.”

Robin sighed. No point in denying it now. He took a little bit of satisfaction in seeing the wave of seriousness cross Sam’s features as he realised that maybe this wasn’t the time for joking around. Well, he’d walked into this situation; Robin had just wanted to be alone.

“I just thought maybe he’d stop by…Just to say well done. I did the same for him. Didn’t even see him in the media pen,” Robin said, his words drifting off quietly at the end, as if still piecing things together.

Sam scrubbed a hand down his face and sighed what sounded like ‘oh my God’, before looking back at Robin. “Look, maybe something came up or he has other commitments to get to. You know how crazy it is.”

“I have other commitments to get to but I’m still here.” It was a weak come back and Robin knew he sounded like he was sulking like a stood-up teenager, but he couldn’t care right now. It hurt.

“You just won your first race, Sunshine, remember?” He had, and obviously that was great and he was proud of himself and the team was pleased with him. It didn’t take away from the fact that António had just disappeared without so much as a ‘see you next round.’ And it sucked, because Sam was looking at him like he was one: being pathetic and two: feeling sorry for him. Great. Brilliant.

“Look, he only left a little while ago. I can drive you to his hotel. I’m the only one here who hasn’t sampled the champagne.”

“And what am I meant to do then? Cry at his door like a little girl? ‘Oh, hey Toni. I thought you might have stopped by after the race…To say well done.’ Yeah, because that doesn’t sound pathetic!” Robin said dramatically.

“I mean, it’s not wrong?” Sam said with a shrug.

Robin nudged Sam hard in the shoulder for that, but it was half hearted in effort. He knew Sam was right and only trying to help. It didn’t mean Robin was any more prepared to deal with how he was feeling. Maybe if he was just to go and track down some more of whatever alcohol was still floating around then he could forget all this and have a good time like a normal person.

He was considering this as a serious course of action when Sam’s next words cut through his thoughts.

“Have you messaged him?”

“Of course not,” Robin scoffed.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You are such hard work. Right, go grab your things. If anyone asks just say Sammy is taking you out to celebrate in the city. And we don’t need babysitting.”

The short drive across the city was quiet except for the low level music playing in the background; some British rock band that Robin wasn’t familiar with. The near silence should have given Robin the time he needed to think, but he couldn’t get his brain to process anything beyond static and the beginning signs of panic.

Eventually they pulled up at the accommodation where several of the drivers were staying during the race weekend. Robin wasn’t one of them. The team had booked himself and Sam in a hotel on the other side of the circuit location.

Robin made no move to get out of the car. He looked up at the building and then down to his hands in his lap. This was possibly the most pathetic move he had ever made in his life, but Sam was looking at him like an overly encouraging older brother, and somehow not wanting to disappoint him was enough of a push for him to get out of the car.

“Hey Robin?” Sam said as Robin turned to walk away, “If you need me I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thanks, Sam.” He said with a small smile.

“Love ya, Sunshine. Good luck!” Sam pulled away heading back into the Paris traffic.

It took António what seemed like forever to come to the door, to the point where Robin felt for sure he had already left, maybe gone to catch a flight back to Portugal already. It was enough time for the panic and uncertainty to really settle in and Robin was so ready to use this time to just turn and run. Sure, Sam would be disappointed in him. He would be disappointed in himself, and in the worst mood for at least the next week, but it’s not like ignoring these feelings was a new thing for him.

It was while wrapped up in these rapid fire thoughts that the door finally opened.

“Robin? What are you doing here?”

Robin shifted awkwardly on the spot, not quite sure what to do with himself. This was a stupid idea. He felt stupid now. And António was dressed in sweat pants and a BMW tee shirt. His hair was still wet so obviously not long out of the shower. Brilliant.

“I don’t really know to be honest. Sam’s idea. I’m an idiot.” He turned to leave but was stopped by António’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hey. Come in for a minute.”

Robin hesitated and then took a deep breath and followed inside. He stood by awkwardly as he watched as António picked up clothes quickly and shoved them roughly in a bag on the bed.

“Sorry. It’s a mess. I really should be better at this by now.” It really wasn’t a mess, but António was smiling and Robin was trying too hard to stay focused on the point.

“Why didn’t you stop by after the race? I thought…I don’t know. I just thought you’d be happy for me,” he said quickly. António looked confused.

“I am. Very happy for you. Of course I am. I commented on your Instagram already.”

“Oh.” Robin took out his phone and scrolled through his notifications. Sure enough there was António’s comment.

“Yeah. But well done, man. You were amazing in those conditions. Really amazing.” António sounded in awe or maybe it was just Robin imagining it, because he also looks sad? Robin can’t place that look or understand it.

“Toni, what’s wrong? You know, I could have done with hearing that hours ago when I was trying to celebrate with the team. You’d have been welcome.”

“I didn’t want to embarrass you,” António shrugged. “It’s not normal rivals just inviting themselves into team moments like that.”

“Are you serious? Oh, come on. We’re friends. I thought we were friends -”

“We are!” António argued over the top of Robin.

“- I thought that meant something to you beyond on track rivalry.”

“It does! I am your friend. You’re the most important person to me in this series. Almost everyone knows that.”

“So what’s the problem? What’s changed?”

António sighed and looked away before he said quietly, “You got so defensive when Sam teased you for liking me in your team Q&A videos.”

Robin stayed silent as his brain caught up with processing this information.

“You watched those videos?”

“Of course I did!” António said defensively.

Robin rubbed his hand over his face and tried really really hard not to roll his eyes, “You are an idiot. I’m not embarrassed of you. Yeah, it’s fucking awkward, but for fuck sake, Toni. You’re my best friend here. That’s just team mate banter. You know this! Sam loves to try to get under my skin.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I fucked up.” António dropped down to sit on the bed.

“That’s a bit dramatic, but yeah.” He noticed still the hesitancy in António’s body language, as he sat down next to him on the bed. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

“Robin…” António sighed. “The other reason I avoided you after the race. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position…Even people joking we are more than friends…Well, it’s getting difficult not to admit it. I thought after season 4 and not seeing you every few weeks that I’d be able to forget how I feel and we’d just be bros again…But I like you a lot. More than a lot. So if that’s a problem then it’s best I start stepping back now, because it’s getting always harder to take the jokes with a smile. And I can be happy for you from a distance even if that’s not what I want.”

“Toni, I…” Robin stumbled over his words, the thoughts not forming properly in his head. Just static combined with the repeating ‘I like you a lot. More than a lot.’ Had they really been this blind to see it in each other?

“We have had something special…For a long time,” Robin said, bravely reaching out his hand to place over Antonio’s resting on the bed beside him.

“We’ve just never talked about it.” António added.

He looked to Robin’s hand resting over his and then slowly up again, before taking Robin’s face in his hands and looking at him with an intensity that made Robin want to look away, if it wasn’t for the draw of the vulnerability there that he’d never seen before from António. He was laying everything on the line for him.

“Please, Robin…Do you really want this?” He said softly, almost desperately.

“Yes,” Robin breathed. “For so long. For so fucking long.”

For a moment Robin thought Antonio was going to close the distance between them and kiss him. Instead he found himself being pulled in close and António’s arms wrapped around him with his face hidden in Robin’s neck. It takes Robin only a couple of seconds before he’s hugging back, knowing that his heart is thumping like crazy and that António will feel every beat. But this feels so right; so safe. Pretty much everything he’d always hoped he could have.

And while holding onto each other like that, neither wanting to break the moment, Robin is scared they’ll find a way to fuck it up.

But at the same time he’s confident that together they can work anything out. For now, this is a good start.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this. I have plans for writing a summer break follow-up soon...Hopefully sometime in the next couple of months. It I don't end up procrastinating too much and run away from writing again because anxiety :")


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